Do you just ever have days that you can't wait to end, because you know things will be better tomorrow? (Please insert several verses and chorus of "Tomorrow", you remember--"The sun will come out tomorrow, tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow...." Yeah, you remember)
But when that "really crummy day" begins to spread into an entire week....I really just want to turn off the phone, stay at home, and just hide away for awhile.
Now add in trying to explain, vent, share these feelings you are having to friends that are caught up in their own stuff and can't hear you.... Stir in friends that dismiss month long plans for a last minute decision of something else they want to do. And frankly, in hurt, the first thought becomes...clearing the slate and starting over in the friend department.
I know, I know...a bit extreme and truly unrealistic. But regardless of what the truth is about the situation...hurt is hurt. And it leaves you cautious, protective.....extremely guarded.
I hate this stuff...I hate feeling this way.
But if I take a long look at this stuff, I can see when this occurs. Any of these things happening seperately might be a bit annoying, but not enough to make me run for cover. But add in little sleep, over booked, little to no devotional time/quiet time, and wah-lah the perfect recipe for alienating yourself from the people that care about you and love you.
And isn't it funny that this is easy to see in someone else....but when you are in the middle of it--you are just so busy you don't even see it coming.
Just a few weeks ago, I was concerned about a friend that was going through marital problems and pulled away from everyone to stay at home. What I told her was that it is a favorite tool of Satan....to seperate us out from those that love us, that we can draw strength from, and that will hold us up in prayer.
Boy, this falls into the catagory of "Practice What You Preach"....
At least I am learning.....in the past I would have cut my losses everywhere....quit stuff, written people off....basically, punished myself and everyone else around me. I am not going there...but I do know enough that I need to take a couple of days and get balanced....take care of myself and be gentle with my words to those around me till I can step out of the funk.
But the biggest thing is to spend time with my Saviour. One that loves me when I am far from loveable......one that shows me grace.....and the One that teaches me what forgiveness truly is--forgiving myself and forgiving those I think have hurt me.
These are not fun journeys..... But I can honestly say, as much as I hate being here, I can see where I have grown, I have learned from past mistakes, and I at least know what I am doing....
Sometimes it comes down to hearing in your head something so child like....simple truth....
Jesus loves me this I know.
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak,
But He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus love me...
the Bible tells me so.
A simple act of faith.....based on the truth that I am loved....propels me forward...one step at a time.