Wednesday, June 24, 2009

This Week......

Frankly, the last few days have been tough ones......but ones that showed us that we are not alone...and that gift is precious.

The last few days held not only the passing of my hubby......but a few days after, Father's Day and his birthday.....very real reminders with floods of memories of him. So I would like to post today some of the pictures that we used for his memorial.....

We realize that for awhile we will live on a teeter going up and down as we look for balance. But we truly are beginning to get our footing.......learning to breath deep again.....

Thank you for your prayers and friendship.....a new chapter is opening for me.....and I am not sure exactly what lies ahead.....but I know I don't go alone.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Skipping Rope...

Do you remember when we were kids and skipping rope on the playground? Two of your friends would be manning the rope...twirling it round and round as you listened to the quiet slap of it hitting the ground with each turn. When you were ready to jump in, you stood beside the rope watching it turn......bobbing along with it to get into the rhythm so you could jump in and be part of the "dance" of jumping rope. That is where I feel I am at right now....standing next to the rope....watching my friends cheer me on....trying to find the rhythm so that I can get back into the game again. It is hard right now because I am missing a beat or two in the rhythm...but I am getting there.

Last night was John's never really know how these things are going to turn out. But I could not have orchestrated a more perfect service. We decided to have an open time of sharing...allow anyone that wanted to say something about John to speak. When the minister first opened it up, there was silence.....all I could think of was that this may have been an awful mistake. I looked at the minister and signaled that he could just move on...he just smiled at me and continued to wait. He told me later that he had been a minister for some time and he could tell when people were being moved to do something...and he had no problem waiting for them to be "obedient"...(smile). And I am glad he didn't follow my signal....because in a bit several rose to speak some I knew, some I didn't, some sharing stories that I never knew, and some just confirming some of the special things that I have always known about my sweet hubby...but you don't always know that others get it too.

While each and every one that spoke truly touched my young man really made the service complete. Alex was our neighbor's son in Indiana....I always had a soft spot for this kid. He just had a spirit of fun about him...and even babysat my son for awhile. I know Zach was always thrilled to have Alex come over because whatever they did would be an adventure. I knew that Alex's parents were coming in for the service....but his arrival (along with his sweet wife and two adorable children) was a big surprise....and an even bigger surprise when he rose to speak. Alex told about growing up and listening to my hubby, his father and a couple of their friends sharing about life, their time in the service and all the things they went through....he told about how it touched him to hear these stories from "men of honor" he came to want to be just like them. Men who sacrificed for their country....who worked to be good fathers and husbands...and how it set a course for his own life. Because of them, he had enlisted in the service to give back to his country....and now he is home, married, father of two sweet kids and still working to give back. And he credited John for helping to set the course for his life....John would have been so honored to know that.

Others have stepped forward too....a neighborhood friend is taking Zack with a men's group from his church on a Star Trek movie outing this afternoon...and offers of all sorts of help have been coming in..... And with it, I am trying to find the rhythm....I know it is there......but it may take me a bit to be able to catch and jump back in. Till then, know that I so appreciate all the comments, emails and prayers....each one has been such a bright spot and such encouragement. I know there are brighter things ahead....and I know there are tough times too. But with the pain, there are been glimpses of such grace....knowing that John is no longer in pain....knowing what wonderful friends and support I have. With that, I can't pass up this opportunity to thank my dear sister/friend Jen who has showered us with support, love, a listening ear and even some calls to the funeral home....we love you and the family so much!!! Also my mom and brother have been so amazing during this......loving us, cleaning house and my brother coming to clean gutters and make sure my car was that.

Once again, thank you.....for praying, emailing, commenting and just does make a difference.
Love you all....

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Memorial Service..

First, I can't thank you all for your kind words, prayers, offers of a listening ear and more. Right now there are friends and family in and out here....but I know soon that things will calm down and as it becomes more "quiet" I will need those listening ears. So know your offer is appreciated and not taken lightly.

We are having a memorial service for John on Wednesday at Coulter-Garrison Funeral Home, Dayton, TN. We are hearing from friends that will be traveling in and we look forward to seeing them and sharing this time.

I ask for your continued prayers for myself and my family. There are some big decisions ahead and some possibilities that I am not looking forward too. But I also know that God sees the big picture...and knows the way ahead.....even when it isn't clear to me at all.

Thanks again for your love and support.....

Tuesday, June 09, 2009


Thank you all for your sweet wishes and prayers.....John passed away this evening.
It was and is a sad time for all of us and frankly, I am a bit lost right now.
We asked for your continued prayers for us.....
Hugs to you all,

Monday, June 08, 2009

A Note About John....

Thanks for the prayers and for the concern....I so appreciate all of you. Time has been limited....I can check facebook and twitter on my phone at the hospital--sometimes, seems like wifi is very spotty there.

There is no change in John...other than they now have him resting comfortably. They are giving him an anti-anxiety drug to help him...which has really made a difference and he is now resting so much better. We had a new doctor this morning that is checking into some things...they are all stumped so far about what could have happened. I think that is the hardest part, not knowing...the questioning if you could have done something different....all those things that are up in the air right now.

We have a social worker-counselor-chaplin-hospice nurses....these people are serious about making sure you get through this. For the most part they have been kind....but in some ways it feels like they are moving this along way to fast. I want to know that we aren't missing something...that we don't just give up. But then you have to consider all the possibilities...what you are going to do in all scenerios......that is when it just hits you like waves. I find that I think I have it together and am getting through.....then I make a call to tell someone or run into someone that wants to know what happened and in the middle of the story it just becomes "real" and it hits you again. Frankly...this journey sucks. And you could sink into that so easily.......

But then you get the chance to see grace at work.....beautiful white flowers that arrive just at the right time....nurses who have a sarcastic streak and like to tease--it so breaks the tension and gives us a chance to step out of the hurt for a bit....doctors who take the time to explain what is going on at each step.....nurses, aides, doctors who speak directly to John when they visit, acknowledge him and include him so that he knows he is not forgotten....friends and neighbors that have reached that have stepped in to take shifts so John is never alone and churches that have prayed and continue to pray for John and for us.....things that have happened that have protected us from making some mistakes.....a tax check that showed up to really help at this time.....big things, little things, but all things delivered with grace....from One that knows the beginning and end of this story.....and right now I have to blindly trust in that...and know that all is well.


Saturday, June 06, 2009

Asking for Prayers.....

This morning my hubby was rushed to the hospital by ambulance. Even with this start...I never imagined that I might not get the opportunity to chat with him again.

They are not sure what caused it or exactly what has happened...but he is in a coma like state...possible stroke or heart attack in his sleep....and they believe he has suffered possible brain damage.

So I am asking for your prayers for my dear hubby John....I asked that he not be in pain....that Zach and I stay strong and make decisions that my husband would want in this matter. And I know that miracles are possible....