Do you remember when we were kids and skipping rope on the playground? Two of your friends would be manning the rope...twirling it round and round as you listened to the quiet slap of it hitting the ground with each turn. When you were ready to jump in, you stood beside the rope watching it turn......bobbing along with it to get into the rhythm so you could jump in and be part of the "dance" of jumping rope. That is where I feel I am at right now....standing next to the rope....watching my friends cheer me on....trying to find the rhythm so that I can get back into the game again. It is hard right now because I am missing a beat or two in the rhythm...but I am getting there.
Last night was John's memorial....you never really know how these things are going to turn out. But I could not have orchestrated a more perfect service. We decided to have an open time of sharing...allow anyone that wanted to say something about John to speak. When the minister first opened it up, there was silence.....all I could think of was that this may have been an awful mistake. I looked at the minister and signaled that he could just move on...he just smiled at me and continued to wait. He told me later that he had been a minister for some time and he could tell when people were being moved to do something...and he had no problem waiting for them to be "obedient"...(smile). And I am glad he didn't follow my signal....because in a bit several rose to speak some I knew, some I didn't, some sharing stories that I never knew, and some just confirming some of the special things that I have always known about my sweet hubby...but you don't always know that others get it too.
While each and every one that spoke truly touched my heart....one young man really made the service complete. Alex was our neighbor's son in Indiana....I always had a soft spot for this kid. He just had a spirit of fun about him...and even babysat my son for awhile. I know Zach was always thrilled to have Alex come over because whatever they did would be an adventure. I knew that Alex's parents were coming in for the service....but his arrival (along with his sweet wife and two adorable children) was a big surprise....and an even bigger surprise when he rose to speak. Alex told about growing up and listening to my hubby, his father and a couple of their friends sharing about life, their time in the service and all the things they went through....he told about how it touched him to hear these stories from "men of honor".....how he came to want to be just like them. Men who sacrificed for their country....who worked to be good fathers and husbands...and how it set a course for his own life. Because of them, he had enlisted in the service to give back to his country....and now he is home, married, father of two sweet kids and still working to give back. And he credited John for helping to set the course for his life....John would have been so honored to know that.
Others have stepped forward too....a neighborhood friend is taking Zack with a men's group from his church on a Star Trek movie outing this afternoon...and offers of all sorts of help have been coming in..... And with it, I am trying to find the rhythm....I know it is there......but it may take me a bit to be able to catch and jump back in. Till then, know that I so appreciate all the comments, emails and prayers....each one has been such a bright spot and such encouragement. I know there are brighter things ahead....and I know there are tough times too. But with the pain, there are been glimpses of such grace....knowing that John is no longer in pain....knowing what wonderful friends and support I have. With that, I can't pass up this opportunity to thank my dear sister/friend Jen who has showered us with support, love, a listening ear and even some calls to the funeral home....we love you and the family so much!!! Also my mom and brother have been so amazing during this......loving us, cleaning house and my brother coming to clean gutters and make sure my car was ok....love that.
Once again, thank you.....for praying, emailing, commenting and just caring....it does make a difference.
Love you all....